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An article titled "Love Is the Drug" claims that passionate or romantic love is like a drug in the human brain. Using real-time MRI brain images of people in the initial throes of passion, they're finding that love originates far from the brain's logic center" HealthDay News, June 10, The desire is for merging with another person,' explained co-researcher Arthur Aron, a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook" ibid.

Scientists seemingly confuse these feelings with love. Could we do the same?

Black Women : Stop Choosing Thugs over Gentlemen

Other studies have shown that when we meet someone we find attractive, the human brain's neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin, kick in. At the same time we develop a serotonin imbalance similar to people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder. The article goes on to say, "Love and mental illness may be difficult to tell apart.

Emotional chemistry, passionate love, romantic love or love sickness are all terms people use to describe the new and exciting feelings of attraction. But one word can sum it up— infatuation. A huge aspect of having a successful loving and lasting relationship is recognizing what infatuation is and recognizing that true love is not infatuation.

According to WordNet online dictionary, infatuation is a "foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration; temporary love of an adolescent" or "an object of extravagant short-lived passion. The emotions change, the feelings are lost over time and those susceptible to infatuation "fall out of love" and begin the search for those feelings, which they think constitute love, all over again. I mentioned earlier the influence that movies, songs and books can have on our perception of love.

At least one love song I know gets it right. I remember well the day we wed I can see that picture in my head Love isn't just those words we said It's something that we do There's no request too big or small We give ourselves, we give our all Love isn't someplace that we fall It's something that we do I like this song because his emphasis isn't on falling in love, but recognizing that love is much more than a feeling.

Love may very well start with feelings, but it must become something we do, not just something we feel or something we get. In Greek, the language of the New Testament, there are three words for "love.

  • The Conversation.
  • fax hook up to cell phone.

Another is philia, which means brotherly love or friendship. And the third is agape, a broader word used to describe God's outflowing love. A good marriage will have all three kinds of love. Romance and romantic feelings are good and should be a part of a healthy marriage.

But a relationship should not be based just on romantic feelings.

Friendship and companionship with good communication are also part of a healthy marriage. But true love goes beyond friendship. True love will have and demonstrate outflowing, caring love. This is the type of love that God expresses toward mankind. It is the kind of love that is listed as part of the fruit of His Spirit in Galatians 5: This kind of love takes time to develop.

It goes beyond feelings and emotions. This true love or outgoing concern means being willing to set aside our own desires in order to provide for the needs of the other and to give of ourselves even when the dopamine and serotonin have settled down and we are back to reality. Again, it takes time for real love to grow. It doesn't happen at first sight. It doesn't happen only if or when we find a soul mate, and it is not something we fall into. Notice what the apostle Paul says about true love in 1 Corinthians Notice that this love does not seek its own.

This means not focusing on self nor on what you can get out of a relationship, but on what you have to give and contribute to a relationship. How true love develops This type of love is best developed by first establishing a lasting relationship with God, and then by striving to be more like Him. Once you have a relationship with God, ask Him to be involved in your love life. Ask God to help you develop godly love that you can share in the right way at the right time with another human being.

Why Do Smart Guys Have A Tough Time Dating?

Focus on what you have to offer to someone else, instead of what you can get from a relationship. The feelings are the easy part. The feelings will come and the feelings will go. Will you recognize them for what they are? Will you mistake emotions and feelings for true love?


If you do, when the feelings wear off you'll fall out of love and have to start looking to fall in love again. Valerie and I had those feelings for each other over 16 years ago, but we did not allow them to dictate our actions. We got to know each other, and with God's help we developed love for one another. We still have those feelings. We still have love for one another, and we still have God involved in our relationship.

Emotional chemistry may be the start of a lasting relationship, but if it's lasting love you want, it's important to recognize what infatuation is and what love is. They are not the same, even if your brain tells you they are. I agree with the Author he thinks a lot like I do.


I am a nice well rounded black male myself and it does seems for some reason women prefer a thug over a bright future lol. I think it has something to do with the whole opposites attracts theory. I feel personally that it comes down to the fact that males choose mates with logic and reason and women are more inclined to follow their hearts and make an emotional decision. The saying in most hoods goes all a thug has to offer is good sex and hard times and for most women that is enough. I agree you shouldn't feel back for a women that suffers violence, or infedility as a result of her poor choices. Our society is all about survival of the fittest so if they choose to live in danger co-signing for their boyfriends and staying in apartments for the rest of their life I am fine with it because it will keep houses affortable.

How can you feel bad for someone that gets bitten playing with a snake that bites. You can't domesticate a caveman and for the women that try well I guess cops would be out of business if not for these guys. Once a women makes a choice in a mate based on what will be good for her future, her distant family, and her future kids then she'll make the right call if she choices what she wants right now then she'll get just that momentary satisfaction and a lifetime of regrets.

Thugs are equivilant to a female prostitute until Black people realize that our race will continue to be the laughing stock of america. I always find it interesting that many a 40 something black "female" will almost ALWAYS support ANY dysfunctional behavior by black people and specifically young sisters who dont know any better that they should be reaching out to. It's also interesting that more than a few of them will actually continue to "carry on" like their 20 something year old daughters up to an including chasing after thugs which is in itself a symptom of dysfunction.

Here are 2 GOOD ones for reference: Miseducation of the Negro-Carter G. I am equally if not moreso dissappointed in those old enuf to reach one teach one that would prefer to stay forever young like Peter Pan. I could go on forever about this topic because it is such a sign of a failure in black America and it hurts to see it spread as it is. What I would like to state is that when black women do respond with comments such as the reader above did with the statement "I LOVE THUGS"; the one thing that never really happens afterwards is a response from them as to "Why?

It always seems so easy to just say you want or deserve something, but never ease to defend or support it in any way. You'll either get a weakly supported response along the lines of, "Well, they can be a gentleman when they need to and get street when they need to. I personally can tell you that for my entire life I haven't experienced or met another black man that really has "had to get street" if he kept his nose clean and just promoted his life in the right way.

If you go to an all black club swinging a 40" platinum chain with gold teeth and displaying a bulldogish glare at anyone that looks in your direction, then maybe, yes, you'll have to get street, but in the end, where's the value-add in any of that type of life style? I mean, live your life, promote your family, increase your value on earth as an individual rather than try to live a life of veracity and crime.

I under stand thugs, but I'll never understand the women that chase them, in the end they always get what's coming to them. In his comment he stated that he was a educated man with a steady job and completely drama free. Well, I'm a sista who has dated every type of man from a Lawyer to a Ex-Con and I can tell you from experience, a lot of men who exhibit those same qualities as the guy who posted his comments do not come drama free either.

While they may have an education and are regularly employed it doesn't mean that they are interested in treating a woman any better than a say a "thug" type of man. I dated a man once who was a Lawyer and in fact owned his own Law firm. He was very educated and extremely intelligent. Well this particular gentlemen and several of his friends who were basically cut from the same cloth, were very cocky and down right obnoxious to say the least. Reason being, they know that men like themselves are few and far between, therefore they have the right to be selective when it comes to dating women.

If they don't want to date a women with a child, then they don't. If they don't want to date a woman with some extra meat on her bones, then they won't. And if they don't want a woman who makes a less than they do for fear that she may be a gold digger, than guess what they absolutely will not.

Men like this know that they are the cream of the crop and they know that in this day and time that makes them a hot commodity on the dating market. So rather than choose a nice woman to spend a lot of time with, they choose several women that they can spend little to no time with. Hit and quit, then their suddenly out of pocket. Because they can do that. Most men like this value their careers way more than their women. She has to get in where she fits in and they fail to make a woman feel special or secure.

Instead they feel as if the woman should go out their way to show them THEY are the special ones, and in the end they end up choosing a women of a different sort all together.

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